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sami jess

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(gimme some love)

[29 Jun 2002|11:59pm]
help me im lost i dont know where i am,
i think big daddy had it EXACTLY right
isnt it funny that i am writing in this journal now, it has been a month since i update it last.. i will update more now...

(gimme some love)

[29 Jun 2002|11:17pm]
[ mood | jubilant ]

today:
i went to see rent YAY RENT, with sarah and cat, then we went into harvard square and had dinner at Fire and ice. it was sooooo good, after taht, we went for ice cream. in that time, we discovered how i would sound if i was having an orgasm.. aint that right? they broke me, i laughed so hard i cried!

(gimme some love)

LOSER SAM, who hasnt posted in SOOOO long [29 Jun 2002|10:47pm]
1. TIME RIGHT NOW: 10:25 PM

2. NAME: Samantha

3. NICKNAMES: sam, sami, sami jess, sami-antha, shammi, bean

4. BIRTHDAY: septhember 18

5. AGE: 17, 18 in 2 months!

6. HEIGHT: 5�7"

7. HAIR COLOR: red

8. EYE COLOR: brown

9. SIBLINGS: Alex

10. HOMETOWN: Burlington

11. BIRTHTOWN: Newton

12. GRADE: gonna be a senior

13. LIVING ARRANGEMENTS: mom, dad, bro

14. PET PIEVES: boston accents, random hings that annoy me

15. PIERCINGS: one per ear

16. TATOOS: None

17. DO YOU HAVE A BF/GF:no... no i dont

18. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN KISSED: yeah

19. WHAT DO YOU LOOK FOR IN A BF/GF: kind heart, sence of humor, self confidence

20. DO YOU HAVE A CRUSH: hundreds

21. HAVE YOU BEEN HURT BY THE OPPOSITE SEX: not really....

22. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN IN LOVE: never

23. MOST ATTRACTIVE PERSON YOU KNOW: that would definatly be "jason".

24. THONG OR BIKINI: bikini

25. FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT THE OPPOSITE SEX:overall face

26. SWEETEST GUY: ben savitsky

27. NICEST THING ABOUT THE OPPOSITE SEX: hmmm... where to start....

28. DREAM DATE: i dont know

29. BEEN DUMPED: no.

30. SOMEONE BEEN UNFAITHFUL TO YOU: not that i know of.

31. LACE OR SATIN: Satin

32. AGE YOU WANT TO GET MARRIED: after college

33. MOST ROMANTIC THING ANYONE HAS DONE FOR YOU: um.. lets see... nothing

34. SCALE OF 1-100 (1 LOWEST) HOW ROMANTIC YOU ARE:about 50, i dunno, havent had much chance to be romantic

35. BEEN SKINNYDIPPING: no, but alomost

36. MUD OR JELL-O WRESTLING: well if you provde the pudding there may be a fight

37. THUNDERSTORMS, COOL OR SEXY: sexy, definately!!!

38. WHAT WOULD YOU DO ON A FIRST DATE: first date....

39. FAVORITE LOVE SONG:no fave love song

40. BEEN IN A SERIOUS RELATIONSHIP: not really....hmmm.....

41. EVER CHEATED: no

42. OWN LEAPARD PRINT UNDERWEAR: DUH

....WHAT DO YOU THINK OF....

43. LOVE AT FIRST SITE:it may be possible

44. ABORTION: prochoice

45. TEENAGE SMOKING: whats the point? cancer, its whats for dinner

46. RAP: mostly no, some is ok

47. BOY BANDS: id have to veto them

48. BRITNEY SPEARS: ew

49. RAPE: bad, very bad

50. SUICIDE: also bad

51. SOUTH PARK:raunchy

52. DREAMS: mostly wonderful, except for the occasional monster

53. DRINKING:pointless

54. GOD: definately...

55. RACISM: pure ignorance

56. WEATHER: i love sunshine when i am outside, and i LVOE thunder and reain when i am inside going to sleep in the summer with the wondows open

57. FAVE COLOR: green and blue

58. FAVE KIND OF CAR: jeep wrangler

59. FAVE SUBJECT: Science

60. FAVE SPORT TO PLAY: volleyball or frisbee

61. FAVE SPORT TO WATCH: if i had to choose, soccer is ok and so is basketball

62. EVER STOLEN ANYTHING:no

63. FAVE TV SHOW: FRIENDS!!!!!

64. FAVE SINGER:i dont ahve a favorite

65. FAVE SONG: constantly changing

66. FAVE BAND: no favorite, many i like.

67. TIME YOU WAKE UP IN THE MORNINGS:for school-6:30, for camp-7:30, on weekends, between 8 and 12

68. FAVE CHANNEL ON TV: WB-56

69. MOST EMBARASSING MOMENT:um, most embaressing moment, i really dont know

70. BEEN IN A CAR CRASH: yes, one big one when i was 8 and one fender bender last summer, but i want driving

71. FAVE PLACE TO BE KISSED: tummy

72. FAVE HOLIDAY: purim... costumes and food, and a carnival!!!

73. FAVE FOODS:chocolate... and summer fruit

74. DAY OF THE WEEK:friday...durring school, its the end of the week, at camp...we get challa and hoodsies and aravah doesnt come down for free swim, life is wnderful!!!!!

75. WORD: definately

76. SODA: diet coke w/ lemon

77. LAST HOSPITAL VISIT: i dont rmember, long time ago

78. BEEN CONVICTED OF A CRIME: nope

79. FAVE STORE: ruby slippers!!!! yay vintage!!

80. FAVE THING TO DO WHEN YOU'RE BORED: go online, watch tv, sleep

81. BEDTIME: anywhere from 9-2

82. SEXIEST PERSON ALIVE: there are too many to count

83. LAST MOVIE YOU SAW IN THE THEATRE:dont laugh..... harry potter

84. LAST MOVIE YOU RENTED:moulin rouge with mimi

85. FAVE ACTOR/ACTRESS:robin williams, he is so good!!

86. DO YOU SMOKE: i dont, never, ewwww

87. DO YOU DO DRUGS: whats the point?? huh? i would never

88. BEST FEELING IN THE WORLD:a sneeze!

89. WORST FEELING IN THE WORLD: there are too many

90. HAVE A JOB:i love to work at the YMCA and at CAMP GROSSMAN!!!

91. WHAT IS YOUR RELIGION: um.. lemme think aboput that one.. if your jewish and you know it clap your hands ::clap clap::

92. DO YOU BELIEVE IN HEAVEN: um...

93. DO YOU BELIEVE IN ANGELS: um....

94. WANT TO GET MARRIED: eventually

95. FAVE MUSIC VIDEO: what? music video?

96. BAD HABITS: cracking back, snapping gum, others i dont know... oh playing with other peoples hair

97. FAVE HANGOUT: um...eric';s house lol cause i love his mom!!!

98. FAVE KIND OF CLOTHES: i lvoe comfy clothes taht also look nice,

99. LAST PHONE NUMBER YOU CALLED: home

100. LAST TV SHOW YOU WATCHED: trading spaces

101. LAST WORDS YOU SAID: good night.

102. FELL ASLEEP IN THE SHOWER/BATH:yes

103. FELL ASLEEP WHILE EATING: never

104. READ THE BIBLE: um.....i guess i have.. the torah at least...

105. GONE SNOWBOARDING: nope

106. NEVER SLEPT ALL NIGHT:hells ya

107. WENT TO CAMP: CYJ D2K!! and yay camp grossman!

108. SEEN SOMEONE DIE: no

109. BROKEN SOMETHING VALUABLE:um, probably

110. MADE PRANK PHONE CALLS:havent we all?

111. BROKEN THE LAW: yes, but the law everyone breaks. the driving law... not the oral sex law

112. SKIPPED SCHOOL:well, not really, but sort of

113. BEEN DRUNK: never

114. BEEN DRUNK ENOUGH TO PUKE: no

115. BEEN DRUNK ENOUGH TO PASS OUT: no

116. WOKEN UP AND NOT REMEMBER THE NIGHT BEFORE: no

117. WANT ANY PIERCINGS: ei wanted my nose, but i think now it would look foolish

118. WHERE AND WHAT WOULD YOU GET A TATOO: nothing

119. WHERE DO YOU SHOP THE MOST: department stores, cheep stuff,

120. WHAT KIND OF MUSIC DO YOU LIKE:rock, oldies, rock and rooooooll, pretty much anything with a good beat, but not rap

121. LIKE TO SLEEP: yeah

122. MOST AFRAID OF: dying

123. PETS YOU HAVE: one brother

124. DO YOU HAVE YOUR OWN PHONE LINE: yes i do

125. WHAT'S YOUR NUMBER:my number is the one that ppl call to get me or the fax to pick up

126. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW: the TV, bridget jones diary

127. FAVE SAYING: didnt we do this already... definately

128. FAVE SHOES: nimrods!!

129. FAVE DRINK: diet coke w/ lemon, we did this one too!

130. KIND OF CAR YOU HAVE:red 2 door '93 ford escort with an "I love Israel" sticker ont he back

131. YOU CAN HAVE THREE WISHES, WHAT ARE THEY: i would have to really think about that, and i am too tired for that one, one would be peace on the middle east, forever....

132. FAVE FAST FOOD RESTAURANT:none, we all know that sami doesnt eat in fast food joints

133. POOL OR SPA: pool, then spa

134. YOU'RE ADDICTED TO: USY

135. LIKE JEWELRY: yeah

136. LIKE TO DANCE: yar i do!!

137. STUPIDEST THING YOU'VE DONE: um, there are too many to count

138. TIME RIGHT NOW: 10:46 PM

(gimme some love)

randomness [29 May 2002|10:20pm]
[ mood | jubilant ]

so, apparently, SATO isnt an official position on board.... i have no voice.. if i talk, no one listens and it doesnt matter anyways.... becasue didnt u know that even though she isnt prez and he isnt on boar, Noah and Mel run the chapter... and evrything else.... i cant stand it when they do this. they are not the only ones in the chapter. things dont revolve arround what they want. just becasue mnoah's on reg. board doesnt mean he is any better than anyone else. AT ALL......just because i am a reg board reject, hell more than reject second of 4 do be crossed off the ballot.....doesnt meant that i cant participate in things havng to do with my chapter. really, i do love my chapter but sometiems i get so agrivated. its like because i dont live in lexington and work at the temple i cant participate in anything. poo to that. also, i ahve an opinion about shavuot sababa, it sho;uls be cpmms job to oversee it, and the edeitors will EDIT.. not rite the entire thing, this year sure, it was new but it can be changed, it isnt fair that a chapter newsletter...... side note, i have just been informed that comm IS going to be in chagre of it and dthe editors are fgonna edit not write. thank the lord.
anyways, so for thoes of u who read my bizarre convo, it still boggles my mind, that was a side nnote,
so, i love my mom, she is letting me sleep through 3rd period tomorrw....that means i dont have to be in dschool till 10!!! wahooooo... like is wondewrful, well hat is all for my rant.. until next time..

(2 lovers | gimme some love)

help. were crazy [28 May 2002|08:43pm]
WE NEED HELP!!!!!! ATTACK OF THE REGIONAL SONGS.... we all know NERUSY IS THE BEEEEESSSSSTTTTT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



Carrot S91884 (8:28:41 PM): Oh,
Pinwheel, Pinwheel region, that means that I love you!
If you won't be my baby, I'll Pinwheel Region you.
I'll take this symbol of mine, and put it on your chest,
That's how you know were from the great Northwest!

Weeeee.. ride upon our ponies, we shoot the buffalo!
We always go by dogsled, whenever there is snow!
We never use the outhouse, we always go outside,
That's cause Pinwheel Region has nothing much to hide!



Auto response from tans86 (8:28:41 PM): our ruachs always loud, our TO numbers high, so listen everybody and hear our mighty cry, New Jersey's where were from and were keeping it real, whenvever there is fun there's always Hagalil dodododododododododod wooo dodododododododo always hagalil

Carrot S91884 (8:28:53 PM): Ohhhhh....
We're from pinwheel and we'll shout it, we got the kids and the ruach too!
Our programs spinning, dancing, praying, torah learning is what we do!
With our spirits so high, all day long we try to spin our pinwheels for
USY-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y
and we'll work and we'll play side by side every day, to make our region the best in everyway!

Spin, spin, Pinwheel Region, Pinwheel region USY!
Different from the rest, cause we're from the great Northwest!
North, south, everywhere you go, pinwheel spinning strong!
Spin with Pinwheel region, you never can go wrong!
Spin with Pinwheel region, you never can go...
Spin spin Pinwheel, Spin spin Pinwheel, Pinwheel region spinning strong!



Carrot S91884 (8:31:59 PM): Knock Knock
Who's there?
We are!
We are who?

We are from Eastern Penn
Hip Hip Hooray
We are superior in every way
We have the ruach, brains, and all the greats.
We are so proud of how Easten Pennsylvania rates

You know our region's really on the ball
Although in size we are not big at all
But what matters is our RUACH HIGH, TO THE SKY
Yihee for Eastern Penn!


Carrot S91884 (8:32:49 PM): so there!!!!!
Carrot S91884 (8:32:52 PM): and of course!!!!!!!
tans86 (8:35:07 PM): Central Region is the best.
We are better than the rest
Cause we've got that spirit and drive
That's needed to keep our region alive.

We'll go onward hand in hand
At the top we'll always stand
Central Region is the best
We're better than all the rest

Hail to the Central Region!
Hail to the Central Region!
Hail, hail to USY
The leaders of the rest.
hah
Carrot S91884 (8:36:17 PM): Hold your thumb in the air
WEEEEE... [yelled until all have their thumbs up]
Put thumb down, clap at each beat (bolded syllables)
Come from Massachusetts, New Hampshire, Vermont, and Maine.
Down south there is Rhode Island; she sure adds to our fame.
We're known throughout the nation as the region with the zest.
We're New England Region, the region that is best!
[Stress the following bolded syllables]
Yaffas little region has ruach, ruach.
Yaffas little region has lots of fun.
Yaffas little region has spirit, spirit.
Yaffas little region is NUMBER ONE!
We sing all day, we sing all night.
Yaffas little region is OUT OF SIGHT!
This is our region, she is grand.
This is our region, NEW ENGLAND!
Spoken by President: "Hey, NERUSY! How do you feel?"
We feel good, oh, we feel so good!
Twirl forefinger up while saying next line
Alright, alright, alright, alright.
Twirl forefinger down while saying next line
Awesome, awesome, awesome, awesome.
Miscellaneous clapping, cheering, ad infinitum et absurdum

Previous message was not received by tans86 because of error (8:36:17 PM): Your message was refused by the AOL Instant Messenger server, probably because the message was too big. Try making the message shorter and send it again.

Carrot S91884 (8:36:30 PM): Hold your thumb in the air
WEEEEE... [yelled until all have their thumbs up]
Put thumb down, clap at each beat (bolded syllables)
Come from Massachusetts, New Hampshire, Vermont, and Maine.
Down south there is Rhode Island; she sure adds to our fame.
We're known throughout the nation as the region with the zest.
We're New England Region, the region that is best!


Carrot S91884 (8:36:32 PM): [Stress the following bolded syllables]
Yaffas little region has ruach, ruach.
Yaffas little region has lots of fun.
Yaffas little region has spirit, spirit.
Yaffas little region is NUMBER ONE!
We sing all day, we sing all night.
Yaffas little region is OUT OF SIGHT!
This is our region, she is grand.
This is our region, NEW ENGLAND!
Spoken by President: "Hey, NERUSY! How do you feel?"
We feel good, oh, we feel so good!
Twirl forefinger up while saying next line
Alright, alright, alright, alright.
Twirl forefinger down while saying next line
Awesome, awesome, awesome, awesome.
Miscellaneous clapping, cheering, ad infinitum et absurdum
tans86 (8:41:52 PM): We are Hanegev, We are Hanegev
And we come right here to say
We are the Southeast, the greatest region
And we'll blow the Yankees away
We come from Florida and
Alabama, Mississippi, Georgia too
We've got the beaches, we've got the peaches
And we're known as the cotton- pickin' Jews
We come from Tennessee, the Carolinas, Barbados, Puerto Rico too (OY VEY!)
We've got the sun, we've got the fun
And we're known as the shakin' bakin' Jews
CHUSY's got ruach, CRUSY's got ruach
But Hanegev's got ruach to keep us going strong

We've got ruach in Atlanta, �� ruach in Savannah
Ruach on Miami Beach! Beach! Beach!
We've got ruach on the surf, and ruach on the turf
And ruach no one else can beat

(2 lovers | gimme some love)

tee hee [09 May 2002|10:42pm]
Taking his seat on a plane, Rob was overjoyed to see a beautiful woman making her way toward the seat next to him. Eager to talk to her, he asked, "So where are you flying to?""I'm heading for the annual Nymphomaniac Convention," she said with a smile.
"What will you do at the convention?" he asked, trying not to show his excitement.
"I try to debunk some of the popular myths about sexuality," she explained.
"What myths are those?" he asked.
"Well, one myth says African-American males are the most well-endowed, when actually it is Native American men . Another myth is that Frenchmen are the best lovers, but research shows that they are Jewish men." Suddenly she became embarrassed. "I'm sorry. I know this topic must sound a little strange. I don't even know your name!"
"It's Tonto. Tonto Goldstein."

(1 lover | gimme some love)

[09 May 2002|09:50pm]
argh, i have some of the most opinonated friends EVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(1 lover | gimme some love)

[09 May 2002|09:30pm]
HA!!! this is SOOOOO funny i think that i belong on the cheering team!!!





Take the What High School
Stereotype Are You?
quiz, by Angel.

(gimme some love)

argh... from the bottom up [08 May 2002|10:27pm]
i really hate being mad at my friend. i also hate to cry in front of people i want to think im strong...... its not fair that i dont have enough knowledge to abck up my argument. i wish i was smarter and more eloquent in person, but im not. i still need to have a real convo with him



What do you mean you were going to let this go? You told me to respond, so I did. If I am not trying to talk down to you and I am, there is nothing I can do beyond that. You must realize that when I am talking to you, I am not just trying to flash around knowledge I have. You are bringing up things that I have never mentioned to you at all like leading services. You have some kind of complex where you think that all that is going through my mind when I speak to you is that "I can lead more services than she can, I'm better." This is not the case. I speak to everyone as if they wre equals-maybe it doesn't come off like that-but this is what I try to do. When I feel that someone's opinion is inaccurate or they have facts mixed up, I say something to argue my case or dispell a misfact. Its not fair to tell me not to do this. Just because I don't agree with you on something and I try to argue my point isn't grounds for calling off a friendship. What we were speaking about after the discussion group was something that I have seen an innumerable amount of times and something that I feel is one of the top problems right now with Israel. You don't even know my reasons for this, so how can you immediately get upset at me for sharing my view. Again, I am very sorry if anything that I said to you was offensive, I'm not trying to mean it in that way.

Ethan

ok, i am going to say this, i dont want to but i am going to. i was
>all
>set to just let this go, fine he has his beliefs and i have mine.
>but u
>know what? i am entitled to my beliefs without criticism, especially
>from
>people who i think are my friends. Also, i want to point out
>something to
>you. you typed very blatently...." I am not talking down to you. I
>never
>do that to anyone" and i am telling you that, whether it be
>consiously or
>not, you do. i feel like i cant talk to you about anything unless i
>know
>a lot about it. i feel like if i dont know that much and i make a
>comment
>that isnt right, you look down on me. i feel like if we are doing
>anything that has to do with religion, you are all knowing and i am
>stupid. i am not stupid despite the way you make me feel sometimes.
>i
>really love talking to you. i think you are very smart and it is
>interesting and fun talking to you becasue i learn things. but for
>some
>reason, if you are on a roll or there are alot of people around, you
>change, you act as though every word you say should ring in peoples
>ears
>and it is the law, i am sorry. i am sorry that i ahve opinons, i am
>sorry
>i consider you a friend and i am often unsure whether the feeling is
>reciprocated. i am sorry that you feel that i will never go to
>israel,
>and i am sorry that i am actually not going this summer. i am sorry
>that
>i cant participate in discussions because if i speak, i feel stupid.
>i am
>sorry if you think i am stupid. i am sorry i cant read my chumash
>while
>lifeguarding and i am sorry that i cant lead all the services. i
>wish you
>could realize taht even though I, as well as some other people, are
>not
>as learned as you are, you can enlighten without pputting down, even
>subconciously. i am begging you that when you talk jus timagine.
>imagine
>that you wish you could fluently read hebrew and lead services.
>imagine
>taht you are the one without all the knowledge and someone else is
>telling you about things. now listen to what you say to others and
>think
>how the person i just describe would absorb and react to the way you
>are
>pspeaking to them. i do consider you one of my friends and a good
>friend
>at that, even if you do not feel the same way about me. at times
>such as
>spring, i was feeling that because i cant relate to many of the
>people,
>due to various things, ie location, knowledge etc, that i wasnt
>their
>friends, having one of my friends act the same way to me wasnt
>comforting, please respond to this becasuse i want to know what you
>think.
>
>sam
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
> I am sorry if I offended you in any way, but I am still sticking to my original opinion. You must realize that when I am talking to you, I am not talking down to you. I never do that to anyone. That's all I have to say.

Ethan


From: "sami jess" <sam_i_am921@hotmail.com>
To: flash555555@hotmail.com
Subject: my reasons
Date: Sun, 28 Apr 2002 17:40:30 -0700






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From :
"sami jess" <sam_i_am921@hotmail.com>

To :
flash555555@hotmail.com

Subject :
my reasons

Date :
Sun, 28 Apr 2002 17:40:30 -0700

please read this whole thing........

i want to tell you why i walked away from you. i know we didnt get to talk in person but i am going to tell you my side of our conversation.
i think that by writing it out i will be able to say it without interruption and i can think as long as i want.


in Kitah were having this long discussion of Israel, this land that i have been aching to go to for as long as i can remember, since i was like 10. ii was so excited because iw as finally going to go. i have never left the country (besoides canada which doesnt count) this was going to be the summer of my life. the summer that i hear so many of my friends talk about and i longingly listened wishing for it for myself. then things got really bad. my mother's friend who has lived in jerusalem for over 25 years told my mom that she shouldnt ssend me. at that point it was pretty much signed and sealed. we had always talked about nativ and the fact that it was too expensive. then the idea came up that if i didnt go this summer than nativ was an option and if i got in i could go. this was like a fdream come true. 9 whole months engulfed in the land that i so desperately wanted to be in. durring kitah, i was so jealous of all the people who had gone or were going that it was welling up inside of me. i couldnt stand the fact that i wasnt going. i was stuck at home at a summercamp while the people i love are in the land that i long to love. after kitah i casually told you that my mom had pulled me from the trip but i was going to go on nativ. i was so excited about this becasue it waslike a dream cometrue. then you started with me. you talked to me as if iw as a horrible human being and jew for not going. i had no choice. then you began to say that what if i cant go on nativ? what if? if you dont go now you will never go. that was like piercing my heart. i couldnt believe that youwould say it. i just couldnt. how could you crush my desired with a few mesely sentences?? it really hurt me that youquestioned my motives that you could dare to tell me that i was never going to go. this ithemselves. s my dream. i will go. i dont care what you say but i will. it deosnt matter if i do not knowevery detail about politics r about what is happening there. just becasue i dont read JPost every day doesnt mean that israel is not in my heart. it does not mean that there is a certain something that lives within me and somehow pulls me in. it is not something that i can describe in words but the drive i have to go to eretz yisrael will never leave. it will never prevent me from going. i will go n omatter waht you think. just becasue ihavent gone yet deosnt mean that my whole life is set. i am only 17. i plan on living far past that.

i am sorry i walked away in a huff but iw as having a lot of frusrtration durring kitah and i simply wanted to talk to my friend about something that was troubeling me and he proceded to put me down, unintentionally maybe but still. i do consider you a good friend of mine and i hope you feel the same of me but when i am feeling upset or distraut i want to go to my friends without worring that what i will say is being judged because maybe i dont go to shul every week and maybe i have never been to israel before but that doesnt make me ignorant. i do love u but i would apreciate it if you would listen to me and take what i ahve to say as if you felt that i was on the same itelegence level as you are. i know this sounds bitchy but there is no other way to say this except in a bitchy way. i amsorry i didnt explain myself nad i hope you understand.

luv sam




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From :
"sami jess" <sam_i_am921@hotmail.com>

To :
azura_skye_@hotmail.com

Subject :
Fwd: Re: my reasons

Date :
Sun, 05 May 2002 12:21:17 -0700





this is the entire email chain.......



>i was so pissed, i sent this to ethan, tell me what you
>think.......i was
>thinking about it and i realized that what he said was totally
>uncalled
>for. grrrrrrr.. i wish he would open his eyes and realiz taht he is
>not
>the all powerful. argh.
>
>
>
>
>ok, i am going to say this, i dont want to but i am going to. i was
>all
>set to just let this go, fine he has his beliefs and i have mine.
>but u
>know what? i am entitled to my beliefs without criticism, especially
>from
>people who i think are my friends. Also, i want to point out
>something to
>you. you typed very blatently...." I am not talking down to you. I
>never
>do that to anyone" and i am telling you that, whether it be
>consiously or
>not, you do. i feel like i cant talk to you about anything unless i
>know
>a lot about it. i feel like if i dont know that much and i make a
>comment
>that isnt right, you look down on me. i feel like if we are doing
>anything that has to do with religion, you are all knowing and i am
>stupid. i am not stupid despite the way you make me feel sometimes.
>i
>really love talking to you. i think you are very smart and it is
>interesting and fun talking to you becasue i learn things. but for
>some
>reason, if you are on a roll or there are alot of people around, you
>change, you act as though every word you say should ring in peoples
>ears
>and it is the law, i am sorry. i am sorry that i ahve opinons, i am
>sorry
>i consider you a friend and i am often unsure whether the feeling is
>reciprocated. i am sorry that you feel that i will never go to
>israel,
>and i am sorry that i am actually not going this summer. i am sorry
>that
>i cant participate in discussions because if i speak, i feel stupid.
>i am
>sorry if you think i am stupid. i am sorry i cant read my chumash
>while
>lifeguarding and i am sorry that i cant lead all the services. i
>wish you
>could realize taht even though I, as well as some other people, are
>not
>as learned as you are, you can enlighten without pputting down, even
>subconciously. i am begging you that when you talk jus timagine.
>imagine
>that you wish you could fluently read hebrew and lead services.
>imagine
>taht you are the one without all the knowledge and someone else is
>telling you about things. now listen to what you say to others and
>think
>how the person i just describe would absorb and react to the way you
>are
>pspeaking to them. i do consider you one of my friends and a good
>friend
>at that, even if you do not feel the same way about me. at times
>such as
>spring, i was feeling that because i cant relate to many of the
>people,
>due to various things, ie location, knowledge etc, that i wasnt
>their
>friends, having one of my friends act the same way to me wasnt
>comforting, please respond to this becasuse i want to know what you
>think.
>
>sam
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
> I am sorry if I offended you in any way, but I am still sticking to my original opinion. You must realize that when I am talking to you, I am not talking down to you. I never do that to anyone. That's all I have to say.

Ethan


From: "sami jess" <sam_i_am921@hotmail.com>
To: flash555555@hotmail.com
Subject: my reasons
Date: Sun, 28 Apr 2002 17:40:30 -0700






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From :
"sami jess" <sam_i_am921@hotmail.com>

To :
flash555555@hotmail.com

Subject :
my reasons

Date :
Sun, 28 Apr 2002 17:40:30 -0700

please read this whole thing........

i want to tell you why i walked away from you. i know we didnt get to talk in person but i am going to tell you my side of our conversation.
i think that by writing it out i will be able to say it without interruption and i can think as long as i want.


in Kitah were having this long discussion of Israel, this land that i have been aching to go to for as long as i can remember, since i was like 10. ii was so excited because iw as finally going to go. i have never left the country (besoides canada which doesnt count) this was going to be the summer of my life. the summer that i hear so many of my friends talk about and i longingly listened wishing for it for myself. then things got really bad. my mother's friend who has lived in jerusalem for over 25 years told my mom that she shouldnt ssend me. at that point it was pretty much signed and sealed. we had always talked about nativ and the fact that it was too expensive. then the idea came up that if i didnt go this summer than nativ was an option and if i got in i could go. this was like a fdream come true. 9 whole months engulfed in the land that i so desperately wanted to be in. durring kitah, i was so jealous of all the people who had gone or were going that it was welling up inside of me. i couldnt stand the fact that i wasnt going. i was stuck at home at a summercamp while the people i love are in the land that i long to love. after kitah i casually told you that my mom had pulled me from the trip but i was going to go on nativ. i was so excited about this becasue it waslike a dream cometrue. then you started with me. you talked to me as if iw as a horrible human being and jew for not going. i had no choice. then you began to say that what if i cant go on nativ? what if? if you dont go now you will never go. that was like piercing my heart. i couldnt believe that youwould say it. i just couldnt. how could you crush my desired with a few mesely sentences?? it really hurt me that youquestioned my motives that you could dare to tell me that i was never going to go. this ithemselves. s my dream. i will go. i dont care what you say but i will. it deosnt matter if i do not knowevery detail about politics r about what is happening there. just becasue i dont read JPost every day doesnt mean that israel is not in my heart. it does not mean that there is a certain something that lives within me and somehow pulls me in. it is not something that i can describe in words but the drive i have to go to eretz yisrael will never leave. it will never prevent me from going. i will go n omatter waht you think. just becasue ihavent gone yet deosnt mean that my whole life is set. i am only 17. i plan on living far past that.

i am sorry i walked away in a huff but iw as having a lot of frusrtration durring kitah and i simply wanted to talk to my friend about something that was troubeling me and he proceded to put me down, unintentionally maybe but still. i do consider you a good friend of mine and i hope you feel the same of me but when i am feeling upset or distraut i want to go to my friends without worring that what i will say is being judged because maybe i dont go to shul every week and maybe i have never been to israel before but that doesnt make me ignorant. i do love u but i would apreciate it if you would listen to me and take what i ahve to say as if you felt that i was on the same itelegence level as you are. i know this sounds bitchy but there is no other way to say this except in a bitchy way. i amsorry i didnt explain myself nad i hope you understand.

luv sam

(gimme some love)

[29 Apr 2002|07:22pm]
[ mood | contemplative ]

so i was just thinking. one of the best sounds in the world is the sound of a heartbeat. durring the meeting before we put up posters at spring, i was sitting on ben and sleeping on him. all i could hear was his heart beating. it was the most soothing sound ever. then it went faster. to be so soothed my a sound that we all make all by ourselves without thinking at all, is eerie. a heartbeat is a key to what keeps you going. it is just amazing what the heart can do.

(5 lovers | gimme some love)

longest day ever. [28 Apr 2002|08:04pm]
my longest day ever. lasted from saturdya morning to now, sunday night. saqturday was wonderful. shabbos is my fave day of the week. we had some incredible ruach sessions, and then it was time for kitah. i hate kitah. i always feel like whatever i say people rebut me and my every word is so picked apart and it makes me feel so bad about myself. this time the topic is israel. everyone in my group had gone or was going. they were talking about what they were looking forward to. so the question that came up was what draws you to it. why is israel so important? i said that something that draws me to it, besides the history etc, is the fact that i have never gone. after, i talked to ethan. i told him that my parents pulled me from pilgrimage but i am still going on nativ. He came back with well what if you dont? what kind of question is that. i have no choice right now whether or not i go. my mom got an email from her friend who has lived in jerusalem for 25 years, and she said not to send me. that pretty much means that i am not going this year. but he started in on me. well what if you cant go on nativ. what if what if what if. you may never go. that set me off. i was so angry. i cant believe that he would dare say to me that if i dont go this summer i wont go at all because i am not determined enough. it was then that my eyes started to well up and i told him that i did not want to deal with it. i was basically crying. and we didnt talk for the rest of shabbos and we never talked about it. i ws so hurt but we still need to talk.
then came the dance. that was so fun. mimi and i basically manned the SATO table all night. i really didnt mind. we danced a bunch and i twisted my ankle in the stupid canvas sneakers worn for our girls just wanna have fun costumes. it hurt!!! still does. then after the dance, we had to put up posters. and that took like 30 min.. oh btw the dance was from 11:30 to 2:30....thats rediculous. so then we had to be in our rooms after poster set up at 3 30. we had to be up at like 630. thats is 4 hours for everyone else and 3 hourse for candidates SCHEDUALED sleep time. they dont even GUIVE us sleep time. i am so tired right now.......so then i went to bed ,after i packed. in the morning, jules my poster helper went downstairs early to put out my chachkees but the tables werent ready. oh my, she was not happy, getting up early does not go over well with anyone. so then came elections.... i did do well, my speech was good and not chakewy, but i didnt win. i was crushed. but now i realize that there are up sides. i can be in the play next year and i will be able to have USY without all the stress..... i can do sato and not have to look good while doing it. my goal is to touch and influence as many people as i can. that is my goal. i think its a good goal.
for awards we did do well. we got most TO money and......
NERUSY CHAPTER OF THE YEAR: LEXINGTON USY!!!!!!!!!!!!!! we were so excited. but i am glad to be home. and i am tired and i do not want to go to school tomorrow. oh ya, ben is going to a diff school first semester next year and i wont see him for a long time. and sol is fgoing to amsterdam and brett didnt come andi love mark and all the soph boys and i love LUSY! that is all i ahve to say. i am so proud of noah for getting on board but it would have been great to be on it myself. but now i have a different year to plan. SR year is going to be the best ever, no matter where i am or where my friends are or who i am.

(gimme some love)

[24 Apr 2002|11:04pm]
ok. today.... lots to do. made so much stuff for elections... woot! poster, fliers etc....yay!!!

(gimme some love)

adventure of the day [23 Apr 2002|03:56pm]
so i was at michaels today to get stuff for elections. i got some pretty cool stuff and it was exciting! well anyways, i go back out and into the car and put the key in and turn it and.... the car owuldnt start. thank goodness for AAA. they came and jumpstarted the car and all was good. however i have to miss my board meeting... again, and i feel horrible, i nevcer go anymore because i ahve no time... they are schedualed at horrible times and i jsut cant make it and candi has been poissy latelly. blah... cars....

(1 lover | gimme some love)

my speech, the first draft, [22 Apr 2002|08:32pm]
Shalom, my name is Samantha Soloway and I would like to be you next Social action Tikkun Olam vice president. All throughout my life, my parents have carved into my head that I should be a mench. A mench is someone who is a good person, and a person who helps other people. Being a mench embodies the true purpose of SATO. Social action helps others face to face, tikkun olam fulfills the greatest mitzvah of all, where the giver knows not where his gift is going and the receiver knows not where his gift is from.
A few months ago, as my family was doing some attic cleaning, my mother uncovered the childhood boxes. Inside I found the books I continuously bring to my parents to read me. My absolute favorite book was Amelia bedelia, but that has absolutely nothing to do with anything. However, the book I found that sparked my imagination was "The Giving Tree" by Shel Silverstein. For those of you not familiar with this tale, it is truly the story of someone, not exactly a person, acting as a mench.
The story is about a Boy and his tree. The two love each other very much. When the boy is young, the tree is his playground. As the boy gets older, he moves away and comes to see the tree when he is in need. As he gets older, the boy comes for apples to sell in the market. As he gets older, the boy comes for the tree's branches that he will make into a house. Next time the boy comes back, he takes the tree's trunk and makes it into a canoe to travel far away. Finally, the boy has grown old and tired and the tree gives him a place to sit down and rest on the stump. This tree was a true mench. Even if the boy didn't realize the extent of the gifts that he was given, they helped him in more ways than he realizes.
I personally love this story. As I sat down to read this book when it came out of the attic my SATO gears began to turn. The giving tree gave things to the boy when he really needed them. If the tree had given the boy apples when he was in need of wood to build a house, the tree would still be a generous giver but the boy will now have much use for it. This same mentality can be applied to SATO. Throughout the year, people are in need of different things. In September, because of the new school year, school supplies are greatly needed by children in underprivileged after school programs etc. In January, it is very cold here in lovely New England and jackets and other warm clothes are difficult to find for people in need.
Here is where the SATO gears kicked in. NERUSY can form its own giving tree. Our giving tree would have the roots planted into NERUSY and each chapter would represent a branch of the tree. Every month will have its own theme of items to collect that are especially necessary to people in need for that month. Each chapter would have its own box and at the end of every month the items would be delivered to the people who need it. This program would pull together the USY community and the synagogue community as well as anyone else who wants to get involved.
SATO sands for Social Action and Tikkun Olam. Social action is often glazed over quickly and people sometimes forget the true meaning of Tikkun olam, repairing the world. The NERUSY Giving tree would allow chapter to rekindle the social action that they may be lacking or build upon projects already underway. One of the most important things to remember is that USY is by far one of the most valuable SATO tools available to you. As your SATO VP I will try to make USY as strong a tool as it can possibly be and always remember that "There is no better exercise for your heart than reaching down and helping to lift someone up."

(gimme some love)

[22 Apr 2002|06:52pm]
i love caitlin!!!!... and every one else who sent this to me...I LVOE YOU ALL it brightened my rainy dreary horrible day!!!
i know a girl with long red hair,
who i would take anywhere.
she's smart and sensitive
and very nice,
on our friendship,
i could put no price.
she's sweet and kind
and loves the earth,
she's jewish,
and thinks of others first,
she makes me laugh
and stops my tears
i've never had a friend so dear.
right now, she isn't smiling much,
she's got worries and stress and such,
and all i want is for her to grin
and say what a good mood she's in.
this poem is pathetic,
i'd give it a ten,
but if it makes you smile,
i'd write it again.
cuz sami, i love you
you're first in life's race
and if others cant see it,
i'll kick them in the face!

(gimme some love)

worst day ever!!! [22 Apr 2002|03:03pm]
wow, today was a horrible day. first, its monday. after vacation. a good vacation at that. so not fair. i hate it when vacation endds. well to start the day of hell, i had my human phys presentation today. trhe actual part we rehersed went well. it was good. when mr B. started with the questions, i froze. all the questions i stumbled through. it was awful. right after the thing ended i had to go in the back room to cry. sometimes you just need to cry, but todfday was horrible. i didnt even answer a cpuple of the questions. i didnt know waht i was talking about. thatnkfully sarah did but. its a good thing because otherwise... it would have been so bad. she will probably get a better grade than me. i hate this project. the only good thing about ti is that its over.
next, afteri left school, i had to et gas, so i bought likew $16 of gqas, and i go in the place with a $20 travelers cheque and the guy at the counter sai di i couldnt pay with a cheque. i started to cry, i was like but i have used it before and i dont have any other money, thankfully, they got the manager and i could use it becasue its just llike cash, but still. finally on the way home, as i was driving down caimbridgfe st, a car pulls out of a side street and i almost hit it, but i slammed on the breaks and since it was raining, the car slid. the car that was puling out had the audacity to beep at me. it was pulling ntoj a busy street and it beeeped at me, driving down the main street and they thought i was the one who was wrong, on top o feverything, I have to go to work... AHHHH
save me from the depth of despair that is my life. oh ya, i also have to finish my stuff for elections...

(3 lovers | gimme some love)

real world [16 Apr 2002|10:09pm]
Cat: like, what would be an interesting cast for real world
Cat: like of ppl we know. and i was like ok, nabeel and me, and maybe mandy and taylor, and drew, and sarah and you
Cat: we'd have all the elements...intellectual debate, moral debate, token black guy, token lesbian, sexual tension and hatred. :-D

that would be amusing. what if drew and I lived in the same house, one of us would e dead by the end of one WEEK!!!
what WOULD happen??? comments, anyone??

(gimme some love)

im swimmy! [15 Apr 2002|09:02pm]
[ mood | busy ]

wow, so i went to the gym at the Y today. it is so complicated there. i couldnt handle it today, it was so agrivating. everything is so structured.. i didnt feel like dealing with it. today i got to go in the water at work. my boss was doing some skills evaluations and he didnt want to go in with the kids, i went in with them instead, i just swam with them up the lanes. oh i want ot teach, it would be so fun! oy, i have so much work to do, i hope i am writing enough on the stuff i am doing for human phys. well at least it looks nice on the note cards =) i actually ahve a lot done, go team sam!

(gimme some love)

happy [14 Apr 2002|10:51pm]
[ mood | mellow ]

some things that make me happy:
1. driving by myself with the music blaring as i sing along
2. resses peanut butter puffs cerael
3. the first day that you walk down the street and alll the trees have leaves
4. having someone call you on the phone when you were thinking of them
5. sleeping in your underwear on a hot day
6. freeshly changed sheets and shaved legs
7. melted hershey bars in the summer itme
8. finishing a big project
9. window sex (if you know, it you know it)
10. opening night
11. hugs
12. lots of hugs
13. USY havdalla
14. Ruach
15. walks in large groups at night with no shoes
16. dumb 80's movies
17. new hair cuts
18. driving fast on the highway
19. long talks with good friends
20. the last day of school
21. spontaneous parties
22. sleeping with the windows open
23. new clothes
24. the feeling after doing crunches
25. funny away messages
26. sleeping late
27. shabbat
28. bubble wrap
29. getting mail, real mail not college crap, sometimes USY stuff doesnt cut it as "mail"
30. airplanes
31. hot shower on a cold day
32. cold shower on a hot day
33. bubble baths
34. books from childhood
35. finding something you werent looking for
36. waking up and realizing you have a lot more time to sleep
37. running into people you know when you dont expect it
37. making up after a fight with someone
38. long bus rides with friends
39. blasting my favorite music
40. sunshine
there are others.. but non that i can think of

(1 lover | gimme some love)

my fun filled life [14 Apr 2002|08:12pm]
i hate my parents. i was going to have the best vacation. i was going to go to a party on saturday and at the party, we decided to ahve a sleepover the next night. so i tol dmy mom and she was like this is a graet idea you will ahve so much fun. then i took an nap and my mom decided that i was too tired to go to erics house with my friends and i had too much work and i had to do kaplan becasue" they have money invested into it so i will do better. its for my future. now i have to sit at home by myself with my parents who are mad at me while my friends have fun. i always get the shaft. i never get to hang out with my friends. now that i ahve a car i cant drive places at night, that i have neer been before so basically i have to scope it out first. this is rediculous. i cant stand my parents i hate them. i never get to see my friends now i am stuck at home. again. i am always stuck at home. i hav eno life. ok thats not true but i like never go out on the weekends only when something is organized for me.
i dont understand y they are so uptight about everything. just because they need 13 hours of sleep a night doesnt meant tha i do too. why cant my parents first of all let me go out sometimes. and second of all realize that i am not the same as them, i want to enjoy my vacation and not do work the whole thing. i need breaks. y cant i just haang out with my friends!!! ahhhhh i ahte this so much. i hate having work i hate my job i hat emy life i hate people in general, i dont understand y i even bother. my lif ewould be so much better if i just lived in my room and did work all day. taht way i would have all As and friends wouldnt be important. that would be
on the up side, today i went for a run and exercized. i took a nap and it was gorgeous outside. i love the spring. it is going to be nice for the next few days. i also got a new skirt. it is sooo pretty. it isnt really a skirt, its a serong for the beach, (wow i butchered taht word) but i wear it as a skirt. well that was the good thing today. and i had a lot of fun at paiges. i love her friends they are so cool. well thats about it. i need to find me some new parents or friends who live closer. and since about 50% of the people in burlingtron hate me and 30% are assholes who dont deserve to be talked to, that doesnt leave much because most of the other people are friends with people who hat e me. optimism bites

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